The rise of Artificial Intelligence (AI) seems to have taken hold of our inner most fears, accelerated recently by the introduction of ChatGPT. But do these  leaps forward in AI capability mean that we are all doomed? 

Elon Musk would have us believe that yes AI poses an existential threat to the human race (but please bear in mind that this man has called one of his children X Æ A-12 Musk, which surely says something about his judgement). Whereas Bill Gates believes that AI will help us to become not just more productive but also more creative. 

Recently a number of the leaders I work with have been asking my view, as a psychologist and someone interested (some may say unhealthily) in Artificial Intelligence, Machine Learning and Data Analytics. This is not as crazy as it may sound after all psychology is the scientific study of human behaviour, cognition (aka intelligence), and emotions.

So, here are my thoughts. Concerns (which are discussed by others at length  elsewhere): Does AI present an existential threat? 

People fret that AI will somehow develop spontaneously and its control over our daily lives will spread faster than Covid-19, but can AI will learn to ‘improve itself’ in a way that is beyond our control? The argument behind this is that if a human brain has a hundred billion neurons, then an AI with a thousand billion simulated neurons will be more intelligent than a human. Perhaps the most significant worry here is that AI will be able to ‘read’ our intentions, taking away agency, autonomy and the upper hand of humanity. This concern is further exacerbated by ChatGPT which people think is just a pre-cursor of what’s to come.

When I first played with ChatGPT it did seem spookily aware of what I was thinking and requesting of it, but after much time running through endless questions its limitations start becoming more apparent. The fact is that AI is a long, long way off understanding what’s known in psychology as ‘theory of mind’ (being able to understand and take into account another individual’s mental state) which is arguably one of the most complex and ‘human’ aspects of intelligence. Why? 

Brain structure is hugely, hugely complicated – some even say that we know less about the human brain than we do about space. Our brain is one of the most complex and mysterious structures in the known universe, and there’s still much to be discovered about how it works, how it develops, and how it interacts with the environment. As humans every challenge we face requires a different set of neuronal pathways for example – to move our muscles we need one set of structures, to store memories another, to see objects another still and these are all hugely interconnected, often in ways that we’ve not yet been able to verify. AI would need to be programmed specifically for each function, and then deliberately interconnected with other functions in ways that we don’t even understand in the brain in order to even start to resemble the more complex aspects of being human i.e. common sense, emotion, empathy and theory of mind.

I would however be lying if I told you I had no concerns. For me the biggest worries involve the following aspects: 

1. Bias – AI algorithms are only as unbiased as the data they are trained on. If the data contains biases, the algorithm will learn those biases and perpetuate them and of course every human (even those who believe otherwise) is biased. Unless this is strictly monitored with proper understanding this can lead to unfair and discriminatory outcomes, particularly in critically important areas such as hiring people for jobs (or more worryingly not hiring them) and criminal justice.
2. Dependency – as AI becomes more advanced, there’s a risk that we become overly reliant on it, making us less practiced when it comes critical thinking which in turn will impact our decision-making abilities and could also limit our creativity. 
3. Unethical commercialization – while the algorithms that power the success of Instagram, TikTok and Facebook are not nearly as clever or considered as ‘The Social Dilemma’ would have us believe, the use of data to take advantage of our human nature is worrying and very real. 
4. Job displacement – as AI systems become more advanced and capable, there is a real risk that it will replace human workers in some roles, particularly in sectors that rely heavily on routine or repetitive tasks. This will impact the lowest paid, least skilled and the least privileged hardest creating more potential for injustice and unfairness within our society. 

However, there are other areas of concern, that while concerns also offer significant opportunities (which I’ll discuss in the next article….):

1. Loss of social skills – the increasing use of AI-powered personal assistants like Siri, Alexa, or Google Assistant has made it easier for individuals to complete tasks and access information without the need for human interaction. The less we interact with others, the rustier our skills become. I often find myself shouting at Alexa, and of course there is no need to say please or thank you (although I tend to and then feel very stupid, in effect the interaction is training me out of being polite). This may sound basic and not too much of a catastrophe, but as my parents said when I lacked manners at the dinner table – “If you do it at home, you’re likely to do it when you’re out” – these things become habitual and they iteratively change our behaviour. A loss of social skills and poorer interpersonal communication will without doubt impact healthy relationships and individual growth.
2. Decrease in emotional intelligence – as I explain in Mirror Thinking empathy and emotional skills are developed iteratively through continual interaction with other humans. The often unconscious read of nuances in face-to-face communication continually add to our capabilities. But like a muscle, when these skills are not used, they become weaker and less developed and we begin to understand each other less. Research has shown that young adults who interact more frequently on text than face to face have lower levels of empathy. Unless careful consideration is taken, using AI more can and will lead to decreases in emotional intelligence, which in turn is likely to exacerbate the current issues we have with loneliness and mental health. 
3. The future of work – the two points above pose a problem for the workplace. McKinsey research shows that between 2016 and 2030, the demand for social and emotional skills will grow across all industries by 26 percent in the United States and by 22 percent in Europe as a direct result of, yes you guessed it an increased use of AI. 
4. Bots helping in place of humans – in some very human circumstances such as therapy, bots have been shown to have a significantly positive impact on outcomes. However, along with this ‘therapist in your pocket’ come the concerns of false diagnosis, false treatment (offering the wrong options to someone who is mentally unwell can cause significant issues), and privacy. 

This article may look like ‘one side of a coin’ but there are also huge opportunities for AI to help us to become more human which I’ll explore more in Part 2 (focussing in particular on social skills, emotional intelligence, future of work and therapy bots). 

In my view, while we do have things we need to remain very much on top of, AI is not going to present a catastrophic end to life as we know it. I’m not dismissing the fact that AI has the potential to spread rapidly in certain domains and to create issues, but we would also need to remember that AI depends on human design and ultimately human control. 

‘How well do you really know yourself?’ A hugely significant 95% of us think that we’re self-aware, but the reality bears a stark contrast with 10% to 15% actually knowing who we really are (Eurich 2017). Although we believe that we know the image we see starting back at us from the mirror, the way we position our story on Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat, what our co-workers and friends think of us, in reality we spend very little time actually reflecting on who we are or asking people for honest opinions about the impact we’re having on them.

Self-awareness isn’t a new concept – another faddy notion claiming to be the route of all happiness. Plato said, ‘Know thyself’ more than two thousand years ago. Today, the understanding that knowing ourselves which is the cornerstone to realising our potential, is backed by the experience of generations and robust scientific evidence. In fact, as psychologists we even believe that this skill is the foundation of human survival and advancement (Eurich 2017).

Why Does Self-Awareness Matter? 

The lack in self-insight that most of us unwittingly have, means we are wandering around with an equivalent of a blindfold on. We may be making it from one place to another but along the way we’re bumping into things, stumbling over obstacles and taking a really inefficient route to our destination. When it comes to behaviour that means unintentionally annoying people and making a myriad of unnecessary mistakes along the way. On the other hand taking that blind fold off would enable us to:

• Work out what we actually want from life – without working out what we want there is no way of getting closer to it.
• Understand our strengths in order to start-making proper use of them.
• Work on our weaknesses and at the very least mitigate the negative impact they have.

Having better self-insight also improves our social skills, decision making capabilities, ability to deal with pressure, resolve conflict and deal with stress. 

Given all of this it’s unsurprising that knowing ourselves allows us to fulfil our potential. Indeed, eminent Psychologist Daniel Goleman explains that self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence and success. In his book Emotional Intelligence, Goleman explains how in an organisational setting, once someone has an IQ of 120 or above, it’s emotional intelligence that becomes the most significant predictor of successful leaders.

And it’s not just soft skills that benefit, Dr. Richard Boyatzis a Professor of Organisational Behaviour looked at the profits produced by partners in a number of financial services companies measuring the 4 areas of emotional intelligence defined by Goleman. He found three of the facets had a massively significant effect on bottom line results with good self-awareness adding 78 per cent to incremental profit.

Most importantly of all having good self-awareness allows us to thrive. Knowing how to operate at our optimum but also being tuned into our mental and physical needs allows us to know when we need to refuel our body and our mind – leading to better physical and mental health.

How Can You Improve Your Self-Awareness?

Knowing how your brain works – it’s useful to first understand a bit more about how our brain works before delving into introspection. What’s normal and what’s not but also what’s helpful and what’s not. For example if you approach self-reflection in a way that’s hyper vigilant of everything that runs through your mind it will become counter-productive. When it comes to the brain analysis literally is paralysis. Instead try to be curious about yourself and your story but try not to ‘judge’, just observe.

Knowing about the world around you – a core component of self-awareness is understanding how our actions impact the world around us, not just looking inward. This is known as ‘external self-awareness’ and can be developed by:

Being curious  – observing how your actions change and impact things. Also take note of how other people alter interpersonal dynamics. This is critical because external self-awareness is as important as internal self-awareness.

Knowing what you don’t know – approaching a situation accepting of your own inexperience. Not presuming you know the answer, rather asking questions with an open mind and really considering the answers.

Asking people what they think – ask for feedback from people who know you well and who you trust. Ask them to help you think through ‘What is really important to me? What am I really good at? What makes me unique?’

 Knowing about you – it may seem a bit counterintuitive to put this one last but self-awareness is not pursely about self-absorption, it is about knowing about our passions and feelings but in terms of how they influence and are influenced by the context of the world we exist in. Ways in which to improve ‘internal self awareness’ include:

Writing lists or brainstorming – your strengths, weaknesses, what motivates you, what you stand for, what makes you happiest, what makes you mad.

Keeping a journal – not only does the process of writing itself allow the time and space for reflection, but also the capability to look back and learn from mistakes, at patterns of behaviour and their outcomes, to capture what makes you happy and what takes that away.

Making reflection a habit – this could be in the form of a journal or it could be meditation, mindfulness, going for a walk or a run, saying a prayer – whatever gives you the space to focus on what you’re feeling, how you are, what’s going on for you. Having the space to reflect on what makes us who we are, our own personal life story, is crucial to raising self-awareness.

Self awareness and learning about who we are is a continual journey – although the very core of us remains stable throughout life, our preferences, strengths, goals and passions modify and change as we grow and add to our story. If you make the effort to pay attention to that journey it can and will lead you to a far more fulfilled life.

Defining You: Build Your Unique Personal Profile and Unlock Your True Potential by Fiona Murden, is now out in paperback.

Available on Amazon UK, USA and Australia at the links below:

https://bit.ly/DefiningYou2ndEd

http://bit.ly/DefiningYouPaperbackUSA

http://bit.ly/DefiningYouAu

To listen to my chat with Dr. Tasha Eurich, the guru on self-awareness go to: 

References and links:

For more on how to approach self-reflection in a constructive rather than destructive way go to: https://warwick.ac.uk/services/counselling/informationpages/selfawareness/

Insight: Why We’re Not as Self-Aware as We Think, and How Seeing Ourselves Clearly Helps Us Succeed at Work and in Life by Tasha Eurich Published May 2nd 2017 by Crown Business

Immordino-Yang, M. H., Christodoulou, J. A., & Singh, V. (2012). Rest is not idleness: Implications of the brain’s default mode for human development and education. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 7(4), 352-364.

Tanner, J. L., & Arnett, J. J. (2011). Presenting “emerging adulthood”: What makes it developmentally distinctive. Debating emerging adulthood: Stage or process, 13-30.

Boyatzis, R. (1999). The financial impact of competencies in leadership and management of consulting firms. Department of Organizational Behavior Working Paper, Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland

Beyond social capital: How social skills can enhance entrepreneurs’ success. Robert A Baron; Gideon D Markman The Academy of Management Executive;Feb 2000

Brackett, M. A., Rivers, S. E., Shiffman, S., Lerner, N., & Salovey, P. (2006). Relating emotional abilities to social functioning: a comparison of self-report and performance measures of emotional intelligence. Journal of personality and social psychology, 91(4), 780.

Ciarrochi, J., Deane, F. P., & Anderson, S. (2002). Emotional intelligence moderates the relationship between stress and mental health. Personality and individual differences, 32(2), 197-209.

Image: Shutter stock – George Marks

I believe in you. I believe that you can do whatever it is you set out to. I believe that you are better than you realise. 

We may feel like we don’t or shouldn’t need others to believe in us, but in reality, we do. It matters to feel like we matter, that we have worth and that others believe we can do the things we set out to. Even if momentarily it can unblock those concrete barriers we often put up in our own mind – sometimes just long to make a breakthrough or take action before they close back in again. 

However, psychologically speaking we know that what’s most important to our self-esteem is our own self-belief. Not someone else’s belief in us but our belief in ourselves. Ultimately that determines what we can and cannot do. As Henry Ford said

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t you’re right.”

But there is no doubt one feeds the other. We all have wobbles, we all have doubts and we all, even those of us who may not show it, shine a little brighter with the right kind of encouragement and support. And to grow our self-belief often takes that belief from others, until it finally seeps into our own psyche. 

How and where can you find more self-belief? 

The good news is you don’t have to pay a coach or a psychologist, just take a look around – there are people who believe in you – I guarantee it. The hard part isn’t finding someone, the hard part is letting them help you. 

I work with some amazing people, they are all very successful in their field and completely different from one another, but one thing they all have in common is that they let me help. 

If you want someone to believe in you:

• let them in, trust them
• listen with an open mind and consider what they’re saying before you dismiss it 
• let them believe in you even when you don’t believe in yourself

While you can do this without anyone’s help, in reality it’s very hard to build your self-belief on your own. You’ll get much further, far quicker if you find someone to support and encourage you. 

Giving the gift of self-belief 

A large part of what I do is to spot people’s capabilities, help them to see how to use them and show them that I truly believe in them. While I may be a sounding board to strategic plans, an advisor on team dynamics or a co-curator of communication I’m also nearly always a cheerleader too. And I get an enormous satisfaction from that part of my job. It is after all part of life to take on that role whether as a mentor, parent, leader, friend, actually a human of any kind – it’s something we evolved to do and to enjoy doing. 

But despite being ‘natural’ it does take practice. The ultimate aim is the ability to instil such a solid sense of self belief in the person you’re encouraging that they don’t need you. If you’re really skilled they may not even know that you’ve got them to that point. However, on route to this supreme level of skill, be assured that even a slightly clumsy, poorly timed delivery can help positively impact someone’s life. 

The three key elements to remember are: 

Read the person – and take their lead. This is a far more effective way of approaching encouragement than telling someone what to do or think. It should be led by them, not you.  

If I encourage in the wrong way, the people I work with quickly spot my efforts and switch off to what I’m saying. The same is true of anyone who is suspicious of our intentions. In at risk children that awareness comes less from a desire to avoid BS (as for the leader) and more from a need to protect themselves. However, the fundamentals remain the same…

If you don’t know what to say, listen – you’ll learn a lot about what you need to say and do by being open and exploring alongside someone. Advise when asked but don’t tell – encourage, talk, help them to understand what there is of themselves to believe in. 

Timing. If you just throw out words of encouragement ‘willy nilly’ it won’t having an impact. Use your read of the person to judge when it’s right to encourage, when it’s right to give a little push and when it’s better to stay quiet and just….

Be there. Never giving up. This is the most powerful element of all. Think about it – if someone says to you ‘I believe in you and I’ll always be here’ and then when you need them, they are nowhere to be found, will you trust them to be there next time? Most probably not. 

This is starkly demonstrated in populations of disadvantaged children who are mentored. When those mentors unexpectedly withdraw their support, the kids end up with higher levels of drug use, criminal activity, and depression than those who didn’t have a mentor to start with. Why? It removes trust, it removes hope and it shouts ‘you are not worth believing in’. 

While a business relationship may not be as fragile, seemingly simple things like continually changing meeting times or cheering someone on one minute and not the next, can be hugely damaging. If you say you’re going to be there to support someone you better damn well be there. Once you decide to be someone’s cheerleader don’t walk away. Keep going until you have built them up to a place where they can believe in themselves.  

Having someone believe in you can change your life course. But you have to let them. 

Believing in someone is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give. It’s also one of the most rewarding things you will ever do. 

To learn more about the work I’m doing with mentoring please email me at Fiona.murden@aroka.co.uk

For my books which provide more tools and know how for developing you and developing others go to:

https://bit.ly/MirrThink

https://bit.ly/DefiningYou2ndEd

Image from Pexels.com adapted using Canva 

You can’t fail to miss the approaches that currently espouse habits as being the core to self-improvement. And because we humans like things to be simple it’s appealing to consider habits or other ‘life hacks’ as a straightforward way of making our life better. But while habits are definitely a part of who we are, they are only a very tiny part in a complex jigsaw puzzle. 

If you’ve tried working on your habits you’ve most likely realized that, despite delivering some results – you may for example manage to cut back on your junk food intake, or get up earlier in the morning and get more done – these things alone don’t get at the core of what makes you happy. 

Some people use the phrase ‘putting in the work’ when it comes to self-improvement (which I personally hate, but I also hate the term self-improvement) and in reality, that’s what it takes. But the danger with many of these approaches including habits, is that you opt for the easy option, ‘put in the work’ anyway but do it on the wrong things. It becomes a bit like running on the spot – you graft away but don’t actually get anywhere. With habits for example you could work on all of the behaviours that will help you to do better at work – getting in early, speaking up in meetings, closing deals. This helps you to get a promotion, but really, you’re miserable, you don’t love what you do and what you really need is to take a completely different career path. 

If you don’t know how self-improvement hacks of any sort fit into the bigger picture of who you are and what you really want from life, then they can result in a lot of wasted energy and even doing more harm than good. 

So, what should you do? 

The only approach that really works is setting out from a place where you accept that you need to put in the work but then doing so on the right things. That involves self-exploration (and this is never ending but if done right is also incredibly fulfilling) and defining what meaning means to you. 

Why is meaning important? 

Your sense of meaning provides the parts of the puzzle that every other piece fits into. It’s the compass that guides us. Say for example your meaning is to help people to live a more fulfilled life (and it doesn’t have to be as cheesy as this, this is just mine) – then forming habits around getting a promotion in a consulting job which is focussed on making money for clients (my experience which didn’t align with my values, strengths or sense of purpose) is not at all helpful to making me happier or more fulfilled. 

If you know what meaning means to you, then when you do start to working on your habits, you’re doing so in a way that aligns with where you really want to go rather than heading off in completely the wrong direction. 

But having a sense of meaning is more than a framework – it literally gives you a reason to get up in the morning. It’s so powerful that it has positive benefits via a wide range of physical and mental health outcomes: protecting against heart disease, diminishing the impacts of Alzheimer’s, improving our ability to handle pain, mitigating depression,curbing anxiety, and also lengthening our lives. Alongside this, research shows that meaning is a major component of well-being and life satisfaction. 

Defining your meaning 

Although meaning is unique to each one of us it’s built on some common foundations, which you can discover through self-exploration. 

Meaning is: 

• made up of your values and passions (I was ignoring these when I became a consultant); 
• reached by making use of your strengths and preferences (I was also ignoring these); 
• found through connecting with others, giving back to others, and continually learning. 

What meaning means to you

If you want to explore what meaning means to you I’d suggest: 

• Starting with defining your values. Russ Harris has some great free resources for doing this (see below) and I also cover it in my book Defining You. 
• Reflecting on what you’re truly passionate about – what are the things that make you light up or lose track of time? Sometimes it’s helpful to ask a friend or loved, they can often have a clearer idea of what you’re really crazy about than you do. 
• Thinking about what you’re really good at. It’s often those things that you may just take for granted as being something that everyone can do. Again, asking a friend, loved one or a colleague can help with this. 
• Exploring what this all points to? What’s the bigger picture for you? What’s your purpose? This isn’t an easy question to answer but once you’ve got a bit clearer on the elements above begin to think about what plays to all of these factors. 

So please, resist the temptation to take the easy route to happiness, because it won’t take you where you really want to go. Proper psychological approaches may take a little more work, but they also result in a far better quality of life and well happiness. After all that’s what we’re all searching for isn’t it? 

Adapted from Fiona Murden’s book Defining You for more guidance on how to find your meaning and references pointing to other people’s great work on this pick up a copy. 

References 

Russ Harris – http://thehappinesstrap.com/category/values/

Did you know that 80-92% of our efforts to change behaviour fail? That means that when you say you’re going to eat more heathy food, cut out alcohol, exercise more, be less grumpy with your partner, most of the time most you won’t actually do it. Us psychologists call it the ‘intention-behaviour’ gap. 

In organizations, where behaviour change is critical for adaptation and success 70% of efforts fail. Given that $10 billion is spent each year globally on change management efforts, that’s an awful lot of money down the drain! 

But it’s not just about profits and performance. The need for behaviour change is at the heart of society. Reversing climate change, protecting our wildlife and even our own health are all dependent on it. One recent study found that, human behaviour (and therefore a need to do more of the healthy things and less of the unhealthy) accounts for almost 40% of the risk associated with premature, preventable deaths in the US. Why though? Given the money involved and the importance to society why are the figures so grim? 

Change is hard, not because we’re lazy, lack willpower or are undisciplined – it’s incredibly complicated. And here’s why….

Outside-In and Inside-Out

Outside in doesn’t work on its own, to understand your intention means getting at the inside-out too. Using dieting as an example, making a decision to diet because it’s the new year and you feel like you should doesn’t tap into your ‘why’ or your intrinsic motivation (inside-out) making it very difficult to sustain. 

Your Inside Out is Unique 

Your personality, values, preferences and needs are different from mine which means your why is too. Then there’s your history, your personal narrative, your mindset, your past efforts at changing this behaviour which has an impact on your self-efficacy, your self-esteem, your confidence (and yes they are all different). These are just a few of the variables involved in understanding who you are. 

Your Situation is Changeable 

Your environment is constantly changing, meaning that the variables impacting your efforts are too. For example, you may be dieting but find it hard to resist junk food because you’re bored, perhaps you’re really hungry and there’s no other food available, maybe you feel obliged to accept cake because it’s someone’s birthday. 

What You Need One Moment is Different from the Next

Your internal world is constantly changing too. You may for example forget what you’re doing and eat something you didn’t mean to by mistake. You may be in a bad mood, tired or stressed and find it easier to just do what you’ve always done. 

I could go on – but you get the picture. The factors that impact behaviour change are individual, complex and dynamic. 

So if you are driving change efforts for your organisation, be wary of providers who say they have a behaviour change technique that delivers results. Ask to see those results before you start spending your money with them.

And, if you haven’t managed to change your own behaviour try not to be hard on yourself. Behaviour change can be done, the brain is plastic (meaning malleable) throughout adulthood. But possible does not mean easy.  Try not to set yourself up with false expectations. It’s great to be positive and believe that you can, but it’s also good to be realistic. If you expect to do be able to do something and then don’t manage it, that can start to eat away at your self-esteem. 

Here are some of the things that we know can help:

• Be as conscious as you can. When you’re on autopilot you will just repeat behaviours doing them in the way that you always have done (and get what you’ve always got). 
• Visualise where you want to get to. This helps focus the brain on the right pathways even before you have made something stick. It’s like practice for the brain. 
• Be aware of when you’re tired or stressed. What are your triggers, how can you avoid them? 
• Anticipate challenges that could derail you and plan for them. For example, you can mentally rehearse saying ‘no’ when someone offers you a food you’re trying to avoid, shop carefully to make sure you have only health food at home etc. 
• Enlist others’ support – social influence and support is incredibly powerful and can help re-direct us even when we’re not feeling that motivated.  

As for habits, frequently touted as the key to behaviour change – yes, changing habits does help, but as I’ve said before and will say again, they are only a tiny part of a much bigger and more complex picture that is YOU! 

References

Norcross, J. C., & Vangarelli, D. J. (1988). The resolution solution: Longitudinal examination of New Year’s change attempts. Journal of substance abuse, 1(2), 127-134.

https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/leadership/changing-change-management

Photo: Pexels 

Making active use of role models opens up the opportunities to learn from others who you respect and admire, beyond having a more direct mentor relationship. They are an immensely useful addition to your growth.

At the heart of role modelling is mirroring. We mirror the people around us all the time, even though most of the time we are completely unaware that we are. It is a fundamental aspect to how we learn. You could even say that it’s the most effortless way of learning because it’s what our brain does unconsciously. 

You can see this in its most simple form when someone else yawns and it makes you yawn. or when someone you’re talking to tilts their head and you realize that you’re doing the same thing. We also mirror more enduring behaviors: the way we talk may be influenced by our partner; the opinions we have echo those of a co-worker or someone we’ve heard on a podcast; our values reflect those of our parents. All day, every day, we are mirroring other people, so it makes sense to be proactive about how we make use of it, choosing role models, behaviors and attitudes that help us to grow and improve, to fulfil our potential and to take us where we want to go in life.

Often, role models are subconsciously chosen. However, by actively identifying them you can find those people who you can look to for the areas of yourself that you want to develop.

Start by looking at your strengths, values, passions, purpose, and areas for development and thinking about who:

• has particular strengths and what you could learn from them;
• has values that align with yours and what those values look like;
• pursues their passions effectively;
• already does the things that you’re working on and whose purpose aligns with your own.

It’s likely that different people fulfill different aspects of what you are looking for. That’s OK. No single person will have it all but you can piece together what you are looking for by watching various people. For example, you could be a good negotiator but there will be someone who is even better. They could become your role model for this. You could watch what they do in order to help you to develop that strength even more. Another person may fight for human rights which is a purpose that you share. What do they do and how do they do it? What can you learn from them? It’s almost like stitching together your ideal self by looking at people who carry out the various behaviors and approaches you aspire to brilliantly.

Extract from Defining You – How to Profile Yourself and Unlock Your Full Potential.